Anxiety: 3 Ways to Identify the Root Cause

There are so many ways that anxiety seems to rear its ugly head in a society that treasures achievement, sometimes to the detriment of living itself.

Strong words, maybe, but i am not here to tread lightly as i have no desire to coddle anyone when it comes to living victoriously in the love of life.

It seems as if we are expected to “be” so much, are we not?

But sometimes in the very act of becoming, we simply forget to just “Be.” We allow so many influences, from family and friends, to society-at-large, to set the tone for our living. We become, then, filled with an angst that stems from so many voices crying out to us, seeming in our own heads. It is the call of expectations of all in our lives who demand that we are “more”, whatever that is.

More than what? More than who? And more importantly, WHY?

The past beacons us, our “so-called” failures beseech us, our ego compares us and we sink deeper into the abyss, often falling on the weight of fears of a future that we can not support or even imagine.

Why are you anxious? What are the signs and symptoms we should be dealing with here? And, the real question; Who are you in the process?

As a Life Coach, this is the area that seems to be the most pressing for most i encounter. Anxiety, worry, angst, depression...they are all tied into a precarious knot that can doom many and even lead few to consider even taking their own lives.

But there is always a core that the anxiety covers and that is the journey we take to discover the beauty of living in the Present Moment, for here is where all truth lives. This is the Now Moment that we find a way up and out and into a new way of living.

But the ultimate truth is always our own journey that must be discovered. To truly rid yourself of the anxiety in any situation, or just in your daily living, you must do some basic self-reflection steps to have the insight to move forward. Be it with a Life Coach, or through meditation, or just taking yourself fishing...whatever it takes to gain some clarity, it needs to be done.

My father had a peculiar saying that he would spout when Alzheimer's had taken its grip on him and that was, “Hey, did you stop and smell the roses?”

Seemingly out of nowhere, he would interject the saying into conversations. Now my father would occasionally say that growing up, usually as a glib saying, but the simple fact is that there is an ultimate truth here for life. It is a quote that is thrown about so much that we do sometimes forget its significance.

A famous golfer, Ben Hogan, said it beautifully when he said, “As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.”

3 Ways to Begin the Transition Away from Anxiety

Anxiety is a far reaching subject, to be sure, but as it was in the theatre, to get ready for the production of any theatrical production, there are things that have to happen before we even get to rehearsals. We have to consider a lot of factors before even choosing the show and consider all of the elements that go into the production.

The three ways we begin the process is similar then to getting ready for a show; separation, reflection and connection.

When preparing for a show, the separation usually comes from a director getting with the board of directors to choose a vision for a production asking such questions such as, do we do a comedy or is a musical good now?

So when it comes to setting the stage for getting to the heart of your anxiety, you must be willing to prepare.

Step 1: Separation

The goal is to separate ourselves in an atmosphere free from distractions; yes that means your precious smart phone, tablet or laptop.

Silence is golden here.

Take time for yourself to free yourself from the rush and crush of life for a bit.

The Second Step: Self Reflection

This is the step that may be the most heartfelt, or should be. This is you identifying the root core and being completely honest with who and where you are in this current moment. Putting all angst aside, you are indeed present in this moment.

So in this Now Moment, the worry that brought you to this point has nothing to do with this moment, so drop it. You are here, be here completely Now. Do not allow the future that your ego is painting for you to exist. Make your own rules, which leads us to the third step.

Step 3: Connection or Connectivity

Such as is preparation to start the theatrical production, these are the components that you have identified in your reflection stage that will move you away from angst; the concepts, people, places and things that you need to begin the process of looking towards the light that is your life. This is the process of the understanding that there is always a way forward.

In the end, it is a solitary journey that opens itself up to the resources the Universe provides for those who are willing to allow for a brighter future. Anxiety is not a way to live in this Present Moment and has no place here. Let’s begin the process together for while it is indeed a solitary journey, you are never alone.

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

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DA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ directyourownlife@gmail.com

The Affliction of Worry From Others

Worry kills the spirit of the one it inhabits and infects those around them.

Why does this happen that a soul on a beautiful journey of love allows such an egoic, unhealthy and, very often, irrational look a a future that does not exist into their very existence.

Why has worry been given such a place of respect in our world.

It is even joked about as a redeeming trait in movies. But there lies the insidiousness of it, does it not? The idea that it is indeed fodder for ridicule and yet we allow it to still infect our lives. It as if we are saying it is funny for everyone else, but, its OK for me. As if somehow that makes it a great way to carry on in our Now Moments.

Of course, that is the point. In the wake of worry there are no Now Moments, only moments that are somehow "out there" that must be going to happen, must be dealt with now.

I could go on for many Now Moments here, but the most troubling aspect of worry is the way we allow others to impact our journey with their worrisome attitude. Really, when someone else worries about you in some situation and projects that worry on you, it is nothing but their ego rising to control you.

Let me give you an example of a client who recently took a tumble off of a ladder and broke his back.

Now this man has an excellent attitude and takes a very youthful approach to age in general. Well, after he recuperated, he came and saw me and was having some issues with the thoughts of others that he was allowing to impact him. Essentially, others were telling him that he should not go up on the ladder again. I asked him if he desired to, if he enjoyed getting up on the ladder doing things. He said that he did, that it was not a chore.

So we established that it was not something he dreaded but that he loved to do, he loved being active. I then asked if others were responsible for his happiness; could they determine his course.

He again said no.

I then told him that others were simply projecting fear onto him because that is how they would have handled their fear, more than likely. It even spoke to their wanting to control him by telling him he was not able to overcome a mere accident.

After we finished, he looked back at me as he left and said, “Thank you. I am so tired of others deciding for me my joy in any moment.” I told him that it was none of his business what others thought of his actions and, quite frankly, if he wanted to skydive, it was his business.

He did go up the ladder again!

You see, we have a way of inserting ourselves into the lives of others, often time in the very name of love and we couch it as “concern" (worry) for them. But really what is going on, is our ego is impacted by them and we are always, if ego-driven, looking to protect ourselves by maintaining that relationship on our terms.
In a way, it is like when we lose a loved one. We mourn, but it is always about the way we are affected. If it is someone close, we are affected as to the time that we no longer will spend with that person in our lives.

Not that it is good or bad, here. It just it is what it is.

But if we grieve past the normal stages of grief that have been studied from author, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, when she discusses the Five Stages of Grief, then we must look at the hold the ego has on the very act of living.

It is the same when it comes to the influence others have on you if you base your life on what others think of your actions. To be quite honest, however, you might be shocked just how little others are thinking about you. I am always amazed at the amount of ego that is present when someone is so invested in others thoughts of their actions. Often it is someone who is very self-conscious and seems very non-egoic, but it is usually just the opposite. Usually the ego has such a hold on them that they base every action on the ideas, words and presumed thoughts of others.

One of my favorite quotes i use for my clients is one from Dr. Seuss where he says,


“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

It is your journey. Things are only Bad or Good in the context of the moment, but it is always your journey.

No one can worry you better, angry, happy or any other emotion that others desire to afflict you with.

Feel this Present Moment, for it is the only one you have.

Be your own creation and do not allow others in inflict their egoic natures on you, for they are on their own journey.

In the end, it really does come down to the fact that what others think of you is, indeed, none of your business...ever!

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

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DA Southern is a Strategic Personal Development Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ directyourownlife@gmail.com

Values, Goals and Worthiness, Oh, My!

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

"Groucho" Marx, 1890-1977, Comedian and Film Star

One might think of those who are Now Moment thinkers, that they tend to not care about that which drives and motivates our actions. And, of course, as a flighty Now Moment thinker, there is no such thing as Goals and Future Planning.

As preposterous as the concept of that thinking is, let me tell you how goals and values do indeed fit into Now Moments.

Realistic Thinking?

First, there is a little mythology we must dispel before we go any further. Trust me, I've heard it all when it comes to living in the Now Moments of Life.

“Get your head out of the clouds”
“Be realistic”
“You have to have a plan for the future”

And on and on it goes. But you see, the future, like the past, doesn’t exist. Now as much as you would like to dispute that and as much as your ego will tell you differently, I ask you to let go of your egoic mind for a bit and come with me on the journey that are Now Moments.

Think of it this way when it comes to the past. Is it not but a collection of Now Moments shared? If there were no pictures, writings, monuments of people who create for themselves a slice of what they hope to be immortality, how would you define the past? Only to you does it really have meaning to yourself and the ones you share it with.

To this end, I think of the movie with Tom Hanks from several years past, “Castaway”, that had a meaningful impact on me from a Now Moment perspective. His character was a man who lived in time as an expediter of sorts for Federal Express so he was all about future planning to the microsecond. When the plane he was flying crashed into the ocean, he became a castaway on an island alone; no future, no past, just as he was.

The future had no meaning because he saw none except the Now Moments of existing and the only way he marked any semblance of the past was by marks on a cave wall as the sun arose in each new trip around the sun. It was only when he decided to build a raft, did the future matter. But it was not the future that mattered because the date and time were irrelevant. It was simply that he decided a different outcome but continued to live in Now Moments to make it a reality.

That is the essence of Now Moment thinking.

To frame this in the context of a theatrical production, as I am apt to do, it is not unlike having Opening Night set for the theatrical production. I never would pass out my scripts to the actors and those involved in the show and tell them to return a day or two all prepared and we would put it all together...hopefully. No, the play happens only in the Now Moments that we rehearse and we build on the actions of the past, and allow the Now Moments of rehearsal to prepare us for opening night.

Quite honestly, when you truly live in Now Moments, you honor the past and the future best by being ever-present in this Now Moment to build a future you desire.

Of course, your ego tells you something completely different, that the only way to live is to be always looking to the future for some great happiness of some grandiose achievement. Such are New Year’s resolutions and the failure built into them.

Here is the difference in Now Moment thinking when it comes to goals, values and worthiness, as they are intertwined. You see, your ego has defined your worthiness that is solely based on achievement and decides your values for you as well, based on some future gain.

Think about it.

The very idea of the American Dream as spelled out in movies and books; the fancy house, the car, the high-paying career, the perfect family...

Really? As the kids say, “OMG!” (and they say Now Moment thinkers have their heads in the clouds!)

Now Moment thinking does not wrap itself in such delusions. By being ever-present we can set goals that adhere to our values that we thoughtfully set for ourselves and not allow to be defined for us by the ego, society or friends or family. Our worth is not tied up in the achievement of some future event but lived in every Now Moment.

The difference for Now Moment thinkers is that our goals are Themes really, in that we have a set of values that define who we are and we create within the context of those themes of living. We do not allow our goals to define us and we are mindful of them but not living in their completion as a way we gain worth. We are worthy now and all actions we do now are simply part of the rehearsal process that gets us to Opening Night.

So, you see, to live any other way than in these Now Moments is truly unrealistic. Live Now for here is where all future moments live.

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and share with your friends, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

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DA Southern is a Now Moment coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing the beauty of this Now Moment with a renewed passion for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ directyourownlife@gmail.com

Worthy, Do you Feel Your Now Moments Are Filled With Worth?

Worth.
Being Worthy.
Worthiness.

Strange concepts that many fashion in the face of any challenging situation, are they not? Yet, we have all faced these exact emotions of the soul in living our lives; being worthy of anything, deserving anything.

 

To Be Worthy

Where have we come as a species if we question the ability to function on any level as a person who is supposed to exist? What has happened to us that, for some reason, we have decided that we are not worthy of some thing, some person in our life or some form of abundance?

I am questioned constantly about the very nature of being worthy and really it goes back to a previous post written about the past and fear. For some reason circumstances in the past have deemed you unfit for this Now Moment, as you see it, or, in reality, someone else has seen it as a rule of life for you.

 

Feeling Inferior

When I hear someone talk this way, it always draws me back to one of my favorite quotes from Eleanor Roosevelt, who said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” In this quote, you find the seeds of riding yourself of the past that seeks to bind you and fill you with self-doubt and unworthiness. Essentially, your ego, which is the bane of all existence as you will come to learn from me, is trying to hold you back from living truly in this Now Moment by making you think you are not truly deserving of it.

Face it, if you are still breathing, you are worthy as deemed by the creator of the universe. Now if that doesn’t make you feel a bit worthy, I am not sure exactly what will.

 

The Ego Is In Charge Way Too Much

Now with that being said, shame and guilt also play into a feeling of worthiness as well. There will be much discussion on each topics, but suffice it to say this is the Now Moment you have to live and being worthy is always...ALWAYS...an attitude of the heart and soul. You use the past as but the place that holds experience that gives you input into this Now Moment but never shall it be anything more than a guide. Do not allow it to give you any sort of worthiness issues as you are here for a reason.

Remember, the universe makes no mistakes, everything is perfect in its own time and place. No matter what you have done up to this Now Moment that you have deemed (or someone else has deemed) “unworthy” is not a reflection of what you will plant as seeds for the next Now Moments you exist.

 

Attitude of Gratitude

You are to give this Now Moment its dynamic place in your life as the one that is the place of change, hope and love that you seek to be within. Living in a state of gratitude in this Now Moment will give you a sense of worth to carry you into the next Now Moment and by simply releasing yourself to gratitude, you will find the gift of who you are and who you are to be.

It is your Now Moment to affect change for yourself and to see the positive aspect of living Now, so give this Now Moment its place as the one that matters most, because it does.

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DA Southern is a Now Moment coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 30 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing the beauty of this Now Moment with a renewed passion for life. If you desire one-on-one coaching contact DA Southern @ directyourownlife@gmail.com