Values, Goals and Worthiness, Oh, My!

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

"Groucho" Marx, 1890-1977, Comedian and Film Star

One might think of those who are Now Moment thinkers, that they tend to not care about that which drives and motivates our actions. And, of course, as a flighty Now Moment thinker, there is no such thing as Goals and Future Planning.

As preposterous as the concept of that thinking is, let me tell you how goals and values do indeed fit into Now Moments.

Realistic Thinking?

First, there is a little mythology we must dispel before we go any further. Trust me, I've heard it all when it comes to living in the Now Moments of Life.

“Get your head out of the clouds”
“Be realistic”
“You have to have a plan for the future”

And on and on it goes. But you see, the future, like the past, doesn’t exist. Now as much as you would like to dispute that and as much as your ego will tell you differently, I ask you to let go of your egoic mind for a bit and come with me on the journey that are Now Moments.

Think of it this way when it comes to the past. Is it not but a collection of Now Moments shared? If there were no pictures, writings, monuments of people who create for themselves a slice of what they hope to be immortality, how would you define the past? Only to you does it really have meaning to yourself and the ones you share it with.

To this end, I think of the movie with Tom Hanks from several years past, “Castaway”, that had a meaningful impact on me from a Now Moment perspective. His character was a man who lived in time as an expediter of sorts for Federal Express so he was all about future planning to the microsecond. When the plane he was flying crashed into the ocean, he became a castaway on an island alone; no future, no past, just as he was.

The future had no meaning because he saw none except the Now Moments of existing and the only way he marked any semblance of the past was by marks on a cave wall as the sun arose in each new trip around the sun. It was only when he decided to build a raft, did the future matter. But it was not the future that mattered because the date and time were irrelevant. It was simply that he decided a different outcome but continued to live in Now Moments to make it a reality.

That is the essence of Now Moment thinking.

To frame this in the context of a theatrical production, as I am apt to do, it is not unlike having Opening Night set for the theatrical production. I never would pass out my scripts to the actors and those involved in the show and tell them to return a day or two all prepared and we would put it all together...hopefully. No, the play happens only in the Now Moments that we rehearse and we build on the actions of the past, and allow the Now Moments of rehearsal to prepare us for opening night.

Quite honestly, when you truly live in Now Moments, you honor the past and the future best by being ever-present in this Now Moment to build a future you desire.

Of course, your ego tells you something completely different, that the only way to live is to be always looking to the future for some great happiness of some grandiose achievement. Such are New Year’s resolutions and the failure built into them.

Here is the difference in Now Moment thinking when it comes to goals, values and worthiness, as they are intertwined. You see, your ego has defined your worthiness that is solely based on achievement and decides your values for you as well, based on some future gain.

Think about it.

The very idea of the American Dream as spelled out in movies and books; the fancy house, the car, the high-paying career, the perfect family...

Really? As the kids say, “OMG!” (and they say Now Moment thinkers have their heads in the clouds!)

Now Moment thinking does not wrap itself in such delusions. By being ever-present we can set goals that adhere to our values that we thoughtfully set for ourselves and not allow to be defined for us by the ego, society or friends or family. Our worth is not tied up in the achievement of some future event but lived in every Now Moment.

The difference for Now Moment thinkers is that our goals are Themes really, in that we have a set of values that define who we are and we create within the context of those themes of living. We do not allow our goals to define us and we are mindful of them but not living in their completion as a way we gain worth. We are worthy now and all actions we do now are simply part of the rehearsal process that gets us to Opening Night.

So, you see, to live any other way than in these Now Moments is truly unrealistic. Live Now for here is where all future moments live.

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and share with your friends, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

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DA Southern is a Now Moment coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing the beauty of this Now Moment with a renewed passion for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ directyourownlife@gmail.com

It's Not the Resolutions But the Questions We Ask to Become Better

 What is it About New Beginnings That the New Year Brings?

As a Now Moment Coach, I am often amazed at the hoopla given to a calendar date as is New Years Day. At the core of it all, I understand the significance of the celebration, but it is all fairly predictable, is it not?

Let me give you the cycle of discussion, such as it is, that we are exposed to during this time and the various stories that are written about that are inspired to feed your egoic nature..

The various "Best" and "Worse" lists in whatever you are interested in. (Either you are cool by being connected with the “Best” or you are made to feel better about yourself because something is worse that you in some way.)

Resolutions - the making and then, breaking, of them. (Again, we are losers for wanting to do something because we are lacking in some way to make them to begin with and then again for failing at our lack mentality when we break the resolutions.)

Weight loss/Health - We are evidently "guilty" of eating too much over the holiday period and are all a bunch of fatties and now we must "get in shape" or, at least, be shamed to think as much. (Here is simply a lack mentality of how you see yourself. Do you need to shape up? Maybe, but on your own terms, not someones dictates on how you should feel about yourself.)

Damn Ego needing to be fed!

But, I make no judgements. As a coach, it is my mission to bridge the gap between the feelings of anxiousness that does indeed accompany this time of the year according to the calendar and the truth of Now Moments that we all must exist in.

First, let me say that there are some things that I do appreciate about this time of the calendar year.

For one, people, by and large, are in better spirits, or, if nothing else, at least open to renewal. Also, great questions are asked to help you focus. It’s just too bad that we don’t engage this way at all times. Well, I mean to change that for you.

What do I mean?

  Well, people get reflective and tend to dwell on successes and failures of the year past (Usually, more on the failures as that is the proclivity of the human experience) and will ask thought-provoking and reflective questions that tend to refocus their efforts into the New Year.

This is good at its core, as it is great to be always evolving into a better you, but the drawbacks are that the thinking is most always future-based on an experience that is based firmly in the past, completely negating the present Now Moment, which is exactly what the ego desires. Keeping you tied up in the past (failures) and hopeful of a better future, keeps joy from being completely present in this Now Moment.

Yes, we are to learn from past experiences, but not to the point that they glorify some future that doesn't exist as of yet. This the very nature of Now Moments. The past is simply a guide and the future is but an experience of Now Moment Actions. So this is the Moment that matters. Your past does not dictate your future. You dictate your future right NOW.

To Direct Your Own Life means you ask the right questions in each Now Moment. This is the important part of the questioning process; It is not someone else who may have a desire for the path you think you must take, for the goal will always be moving and the future will never be anything more than murky. It must be your journey alone that incorporates those around you. Therein lies the happiness factor; the individual journey taken with joy that lifts those around them in that same wake of joy. It is a universal law.

  Remember, again, it is not so much the state we are in, but the questions we must ask to free us so as to move forward, and, yes, some of that may mean we have to ask tough questions about the reason we are here in this present Now Moment state not to dwell in the past but to see the framework of this moment and adapt and change as needed.

By looking at the process as if you were in a theatrical production, it is essentially the rehearsal process here. We have rehearsed certain scenes to this point and we understand that we are now ready to rehearse another part of the play. We look back at the last scene to understand the context for this next stage of rehearsal. The past, the last scene, was merely a set up for the current piece we are rehearsing. It has no baring to the future but to set it up and work together to make the play all make sense at the end.

That is the framework of the questioning process; to set up the framework for the next scene of your life. Just allow it to flow and appreciate the journey to this point and allow the questions to guide you into the next Now Moment.

In the end, it is a matter of perspective and allowing yourself to flow in that place of peace that you must find to allow yourself the freedom to move forward.

For some reason, beer commercials always seem to have great slogans, but it is not the drinking that propelled me to like this, but the message of finding yourself in that happy place where you are free to create.

The slogan is "Find Your Beach" and it is great for the disgrace that are resolutions in general as well is the comparing of the past "failures" to some future happiness.

Indeed, if you do find your beach and allow an organic way of living to become your new reality, you will have no choice but to embrace this Now Moment alone.

This will be your guiding emotion for the Now Moments that make up your future.

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DA Southern is a Now Moment coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 30 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing the beauty of this Now Moment with a renewed passion for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ directyourownlife@gmail.com

Guilt: The Other White Meat - Part 2

 What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

Dennis Miller

Oh, great! Now I have guilt!

T. Rex, from Toy Story

What is it about humanity that we have decided that guilt is the way we relate on such interpersonal levels to one another knowing that it is based in fear, as discussed in the previous post (part I)?

What is it about the ego within us all that we have decided that to keep our little superiority acts in check, we have to be the ones to guilt others into complying with our wishes? Are we so non-trusting within ourselves that we feel that we have to control others, not to mention ourselves, with guilt?

Ego and Guilt Work Hand-in-Hand

In living in Now Moments, guilt can really have no hold on us as it only seeks to keep the past ever present and living and the future looming within us, usually as nothing more than some type of dishonor of our past. The Now Moment is then completely obliterated as non-important, which is exactly as the ego has decided needs to happen.

By the way, the ego completely hates Now Moments.

You see, Now Moments are designed for us to have clarity in this moment so we can plant seeds of greatness in the next Now Moments to come. Guilt robs us of that clarity and keeps our disgusting past that guilt tends to persuade us exists, forever present so that the beauty of this Now Moment is completely abandoned. The ego desires you not to have peace in each and every Now Moment as then what would be the reason for ego to exist in the first place?

Trust me, I have heard more than my share of why “healthy guilt” is a good thing speech, so no need bother. Is the very term not an oxymoron to begin with, and, quite frankly, when people use it they usually have to justify the existence of the term at the very outset.

Guilt is associated with fear and there is no justification for giving fear to another person or living in fear as the spirit of fear is a debilitating spirit that robs you of all joy.

3 Step Process To Plow Through Guilt

Let me give you a quick three-step process that will help you with guilt.

1. Release. This is the first step of taking back your Now Moments. Release yourself, first and foremost. If you want to say it another way, forgive yourself. The past is the past and whatever is done is done. Keeping some past mistake alive forever in the throws of guilt does nothing for your ability to make this Now Moment precious. So you must first release yourself.

2. Let Go. This may seem to be like release but it is all together different in that you must truly let go of guilt by putting space between you and it. Release is the willingness to do so, Letting go is the action.

3. Flow. This is now the most important aspect of the process as it is based in peace. The peace of this Now Moment is a simple allowing of life to unfold all around you so you can become that ever-moving force of strength to yourself and to others around you. In peace there is tranquility within and that always presents itself as a quiet strength without.

Guilt is not healthy, EVER.

Release, Let go and Flow into each and every Now Moment for there the seeds of greatness live.

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DA Southern is a Now Moment coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 30 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing the beauty of this Now Moment with a renewed passion for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ directyourownlife@gmail.com

Guilt: The Other White Meat - Part 1

Several years ago, the pork industry came up with “pork, the other white meat” to get people to eat more pork. The little slogan was quickly identifiable and indeed increased the pork industries efforts to get the folks to eat more pork.

I our discussion of Now Moments and how fear from and of the past can hold you back from progressing into brilliant Now Moments, I really look at guilt the true other white meat to fear, as they often go hand-in-hand. And unlike pork, it is the other side of the fear coin that can bring a grown man to his knees. I am not a huge fan of guilt, as you can tell.

Suffice it to say, we could not even begin to scratch the surface on guilt and how it hampers your development but we will begin to speak of the harmful effects it does have on you and how you can take steps to rid this arch-nemesis from your very midst.

First, lets look at guilt from a perspective of control, from both your own being and from others who use it to control you. There is no easy way to say it except that guilt is that soul-sucking essence that keeps people from developing personally, achieving in life, and from developing healthy relationships that are free from drama and, most importantly, love.

Guilt is not something you desire in any way, and if you use it to control others in your sphere, shame on you. It is done in business, in relationships and all realms of group interactions. The real essence of the spirit of guilt is that is so opposite from joy in that where there is guilt, you usually find joy lacking in abundance. That is the shame of guilt, it robs you of joy.

Look back in your own life; every time someone “guilted” you into doing something you were not prone to do, or would joyfully do on your own, did you notice joy within? I can safely say, no you did not. You see, guilt is that tool that people use that the ego rails against and why it is time to start the process of ridding yourself of that as well. But another discussion for another time.

You can even look to our political systems. When some well meaning congressperson or senator desires to push some usually bloated piece of legislation through the congress, they often encase it in the “hot” buttons of the day, whatever the other representatives would feel guilt not supporting; children, seniors, helping this group or that one. As soon as someone is confronted with the fact that they might not support a certain bill or whatever, they are guilted into support because who wants to be again some deserving group of whatever, whether the legislation makes sense or not.

It all comes down to joy and a sense of self that is devoid of ego.

Find your center, your joy and begin to ask yourself a simple question when confronted with guilt; Am what I am being asked to think about or do bring me joy if i do it for ME. Again, the very nature of that question elicits a guilt response from many because we are told by parents and authority figures “not to be selfish,” are we not? So we don’t ask that question because of guilt to begin with?

Stop it right now and begin to be a better you and decide here and now that guilt will no longer be part of your existence in this Now Moment. It is all you have. Seek joy and find truth.

In the next post we will look at ways to do this effectively, but start now as it is the only Now Moment you have in which to do so.

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DA Southern is a Now Moment coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 30 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing the beauty of this Now Moment with a renewed passion for life. If you desire one-on-one coaching contact DA Southern @ directyourownlife@gmail.com

Live In The Now Moments Of Life

Live in the NOW is a battle cry of many of the youthful persuasion and of those extreme sports-types that desire to push themselves to the limit.

We have been there, have we not? Times of our lives where we were living on the edge, youthful or both?

 

How to Live In The Now

We are all about living in the Now Moments of life, but take a far more philosophical approach to living Now Moments. Let em explain.

First, Now Moments. Notice that the words themselves are capitalized and this is for a reason. I have devoted myself to no longer looking at time in hours, days, weeks and months but at the moments that make up time itself.

You see, in all aspects of living, really each Now Moment has the aspects of the past, present and future ingrained in them. Isn’t it true that today is the future we dreamed of yesterday?

The point is that we have but a single moment that contains the seeds of everything we are and have been and desire to be. It is how we decide to live this Now Moment that decides our future Now Moments.

 

How to Get Happiness in Life

I desire you to know that this is not “pie in the sky” living and some type of escapism to not deal with life but a thoughtful approach to living life in the fullness of which we are all given whether we decide to grasp it or not. It is all about abundant living and it is a journey we all take. This is the truth of joy and happiness, this is true living.

Trust me, I have suffered the slings and arrows of many who I thought cared for me as I have formulated this way of living and I have grown as a result of it. I ask you to come along with me as we journey into the heart of living in dynamic Now Moments together. it will be worth the trip.

I come from a theatrical background having spent many years as a managing director of theatrical plays. I can tell you that i never once passed out scrips to my actors and said for them to learn everything about their parts and to come back a day before the show opened and we would put it all together.

 

Plan Your Future?

No, you see, ever mindful of Opening Night, we would perfect the show one Now Moment at a time as it was there contained within those rehearsals of intense, dynamic focus that the show lived on Opening Night. Do you see my meaning?

Remember what Yoda said to Luke Skywalker in Star Wars when thinking about training him?

 

"Always looking to the future this one is. Never his mind on where he is, what he is doing."  Yoda

I will draw on this many times in future Now Moments, as well as my theatrical training that helped me to formulate my Now Moments to bring you into a better appreciation for living life in the fullest Now.

I encourage you to become part of the Now Moment community by signing up for the newsletter and have the post sent directly to your inbox in those future Now Moments.

It will be a gift of living that you glean from them as we share our journeys together.

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DA Southern is a Now Moment coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 30 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing the beauty of this Now Moment with a renewed passion for life. If you desire one-on-one coaching contact DA Southern @ directyourownlife@gmail.com

Plan Your Life - No Don’t...It Will Not Be What You Imagined Anyway

No, I am not a pessimist.

In fact, I am one of the most positive people ever. I mean, I rock it when it comes to positive thinking, really. But to plan your future to such a degree that you lose the very life in this moment is to set your self up for disappointment after disappointment.

It is just that the whole theme of this blog and my upcoming book to be released this coming year of the same name, “Don’t Plan For The Future, Just Eat Your Cinnamon Biscuits,"  is all about living your best life right now.

But it takes guts to live this way, it really does with the pressures of society, parents and friends to plan your life so that you are "happy."

So what do I mean?

I will begin an entire series of blog posts that talk about future planning but all from a perspective of living in this moment, or as I like to refer to it, the “Now Moment.”

This will be a subject that many will disagree with but I will tell you the reasoning behind every aspect of my thought process along the way. If you are totally a futurist, then, quite frankly, this will probably won’t be your style.

I must tell you that I have been and will always be a HUGE Science Fiction fan. I love the promise of what a bright future will look like and I am a gadget nut, but gadgets are not what defines a future, and certainly are nothing more than creative insights at any given moment of what a future might be.

Think about it. When you look at old Science Fiction movies, it is often what is trendy at the moment from a vision standpoint and when we see them many years later, we often can’t believe that we even thought it represented a future that we currently live in.

Why is the future you dreamed any different? Is it exactly as you imagined or fretted about? Probably, to a person, the answer is “NO.”

Planning your future is the way we are taught from the time we can learn to walk and talk. Our parents and the ones who assert authority over us tell us that we need to “think about our future,” “get good grades so we can get into a good college,” do this or that because “someone in the family has always done this,” blah, blah, blah and on it goes. (And Lord help anyone who has a passion that doesn’t fit into the “standard” of what parents or whoever thinks we should be doing to “get a good job” or to fit in or get by or whatever.)

All of the things we are told does nothing but make us miss the moment that is often so grand and glorious that to not live in it is the biggest injury we do to ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for following your passion, but to do so means living in the moment and truly discovering who you really are.

Stay with me on this journey. Get signed up for the list and lets take our future back one Now Moment at a time.

In future posts, we will talk about a range of topics centered around planning your future, or not, in this case, but always with the eye on allowing any given moment to be your future.

Confused? Well, there are moments ahead, but they are just that, one Now Moment at a time.

*****

DA Southern is a Now Moment coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 30 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing the beauty of this Now Moment with a renewed passion for life. If you desire one-on-one coaching contact DA Southern @ directyourownlife@gmail.com