Anxiety: 3 Ways to Identify the Root Cause

There are so many ways that anxiety seems to rear its ugly head in a society that treasures achievement, sometimes to the detriment of living itself.

Strong words, maybe, but i am not here to tread lightly as i have no desire to coddle anyone when it comes to living victoriously in the love of life.

It seems as if we are expected to “be” so much, are we not?

But sometimes in the very act of becoming, we simply forget to just “Be.” We allow so many influences, from family and friends, to society-at-large, to set the tone for our living. We become, then, filled with an angst that stems from so many voices crying out to us, seeming in our own heads. It is the call of expectations of all in our lives who demand that we are “more”, whatever that is.

More than what? More than who? And more importantly, WHY?

The past beacons us, our “so-called” failures beseech us, our ego compares us and we sink deeper into the abyss, often falling on the weight of fears of a future that we can not support or even imagine.

Why are you anxious? What are the signs and symptoms we should be dealing with here? And, the real question; Who are you in the process?

As a Life Coach, this is the area that seems to be the most pressing for most i encounter. Anxiety, worry, angst, depression...they are all tied into a precarious knot that can doom many and even lead few to consider even taking their own lives.

But there is always a core that the anxiety covers and that is the journey we take to discover the beauty of living in the Present Moment, for here is where all truth lives. This is the Now Moment that we find a way up and out and into a new way of living.

But the ultimate truth is always our own journey that must be discovered. To truly rid yourself of the anxiety in any situation, or just in your daily living, you must do some basic self-reflection steps to have the insight to move forward. Be it with a Life Coach, or through meditation, or just taking yourself fishing...whatever it takes to gain some clarity, it needs to be done.

My father had a peculiar saying that he would spout when Alzheimer's had taken its grip on him and that was, “Hey, did you stop and smell the roses?”

Seemingly out of nowhere, he would interject the saying into conversations. Now my father would occasionally say that growing up, usually as a glib saying, but the simple fact is that there is an ultimate truth here for life. It is a quote that is thrown about so much that we do sometimes forget its significance.

A famous golfer, Ben Hogan, said it beautifully when he said, “As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.”

3 Ways to Begin the Transition Away from Anxiety

Anxiety is a far reaching subject, to be sure, but as it was in the theatre, to get ready for the production of any theatrical production, there are things that have to happen before we even get to rehearsals. We have to consider a lot of factors before even choosing the show and consider all of the elements that go into the production.

The three ways we begin the process is similar then to getting ready for a show; separation, reflection and connection.

When preparing for a show, the separation usually comes from a director getting with the board of directors to choose a vision for a production asking such questions such as, do we do a comedy or is a musical good now?

So when it comes to setting the stage for getting to the heart of your anxiety, you must be willing to prepare.

Step 1: Separation

The goal is to separate ourselves in an atmosphere free from distractions; yes that means your precious smart phone, tablet or laptop.

Silence is golden here.

Take time for yourself to free yourself from the rush and crush of life for a bit.

The Second Step: Self Reflection

This is the step that may be the most heartfelt, or should be. This is you identifying the root core and being completely honest with who and where you are in this current moment. Putting all angst aside, you are indeed present in this moment.

So in this Now Moment, the worry that brought you to this point has nothing to do with this moment, so drop it. You are here, be here completely Now. Do not allow the future that your ego is painting for you to exist. Make your own rules, which leads us to the third step.

Step 3: Connection or Connectivity

Such as is preparation to start the theatrical production, these are the components that you have identified in your reflection stage that will move you away from angst; the concepts, people, places and things that you need to begin the process of looking towards the light that is your life. This is the process of the understanding that there is always a way forward.

In the end, it is a solitary journey that opens itself up to the resources the Universe provides for those who are willing to allow for a brighter future. Anxiety is not a way to live in this Present Moment and has no place here. Let’s begin the process together for while it is indeed a solitary journey, you are never alone.

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

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DA Southern is a Strategic Life Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ directyourownlife@gmail.com

The Journey of Enlightenment, Part III; The Flow of it All

One would think that flow is all anyone ever really does, as if we have a choice. But that is the very nature of Flow, we do have a choice and yet so few seem to exist there within it.

First, a practical look at the definition and how we apply it to living in the Present Moment.

The dictionary definition simply states that Flow is simply the “moving along or out steadily and continuously in a current or stream: "from here the river flows north" and “The action or fact of moving along in a steady, continuous stream.”

There is another definition to flow that many words are not given and that is from a perspective of psychology.

Flow, in this instance, is defined as the mental state of operation in which a person in an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity.

Proposed by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, the positive psychology concept has been widely referenced across a variety of fields.

According to Csíkszentmihályi, flow is completely focused motivation. It is a single-minded immersion and represents perhaps the ultimate in harnessing the emotions in the service of performing and learning. In flow, the emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized, and aligned with the task at hand.

To be caught in the ennui of depression or the agitation of anxiety is to be barred from flow.

The hallmark of flow is a feeling of spontaneous joy, even rapture, while performing a task, although flow is also described as a deep focus on nothing but the activity – not even oneself or one's emotions.

Colloquial terms for this or similar mental states include: to be on the ball, in the moment, present, in the zone, wired in, in the groove, or owning.

What is important to note from the standard definition of moving along or out steadily and continuously in a current or stream and the flow of complete focused motivation, the single-mindedness of it all, is the the principle of advancement in a natural and creative expression of nature. The river flows as it does and when we embark on a Flow within ourselves, we become a joyful creature, a true force of nature that moves at a constant and ever-evolving persona of love.

Flow becomes who we are and embodies our journey. There is nothing that determines how we flow or the way we should flow; We Just do in a way that is natural to us.

Here is where flow is interrupted, and it is at the core of the three step process of Release, Let Go and Flow. At the very heart of the process, there is a Dam that has blocked flow. Something that you have allowed in your life. For what ever reason that it has served you at the time, your Dam has stopped you from your true nature; the very art of Flowing into each new Now Moment.

As a kid, i witnessed the awesome power of the Mississippi River as storms caused it to leave its banks most every Spring. You see, the government, in its infinite wisdom, devised a series of dams along the river to "contain" the flow of the mighty Mississippi River.

Not so much.

When nature would intercede and the river would leave its banks, i was often amused as to the news reports of the damage that was caused because of the river doing what it was supposed to do, the very act of flowing. All of a sudden the river is a destructive force, but it was the very act of the government trying to control nature that was at the core of the destruction.

When nature decides to do what it does, we are simply in the way. Such is the nature of flow and the self-imposed Dams of life are at the heart of anxiety, worry and fear.

You see, we are creatures of flow that are supposed to have a natural rhythm, an ease to the way of living. If you have Dammed up your flow, then you must undo the unnatural aspects of your nature and return your life back over to you.

You must Release by forgiving.

You must Let Go by truly forgetting and deciding that you are the only one responsible for you; that no one else has input unless it is from a mentoring point-of-view that guides, but never insists on its own way.

You must then let nature, the very nature of who you are as an individual, allow Flow into each Present Moment alone, for therein lies your eternity.

Life truly begins when you have learned that the nature of Flow allows the very truth of who we are as eternal beings to enter and create our reality. For we are Love and from Love, all extends outward. Love is the creative force for all that we are and for all that we are to become.

Flow is Love and it is our nature to live free within the Flow.

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

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DA Southern is a Strategic Personal Development Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ directyourownlife@gmail.com

The Affliction of Worry From Others

Worry kills the spirit of the one it inhabits and infects those around them.

Why does this happen that a soul on a beautiful journey of love allows such an egoic, unhealthy and, very often, irrational look a a future that does not exist into their very existence.

Why has worry been given such a place of respect in our world.

It is even joked about as a redeeming trait in movies. But there lies the insidiousness of it, does it not? The idea that it is indeed fodder for ridicule and yet we allow it to still infect our lives. It as if we are saying it is funny for everyone else, but, its OK for me. As if somehow that makes it a great way to carry on in our Now Moments.

Of course, that is the point. In the wake of worry there are no Now Moments, only moments that are somehow "out there" that must be going to happen, must be dealt with now.

I could go on for many Now Moments here, but the most troubling aspect of worry is the way we allow others to impact our journey with their worrisome attitude. Really, when someone else worries about you in some situation and projects that worry on you, it is nothing but their ego rising to control you.

Let me give you an example of a client who recently took a tumble off of a ladder and broke his back.

Now this man has an excellent attitude and takes a very youthful approach to age in general. Well, after he recuperated, he came and saw me and was having some issues with the thoughts of others that he was allowing to impact him. Essentially, others were telling him that he should not go up on the ladder again. I asked him if he desired to, if he enjoyed getting up on the ladder doing things. He said that he did, that it was not a chore.

So we established that it was not something he dreaded but that he loved to do, he loved being active. I then asked if others were responsible for his happiness; could they determine his course.

He again said no.

I then told him that others were simply projecting fear onto him because that is how they would have handled their fear, more than likely. It even spoke to their wanting to control him by telling him he was not able to overcome a mere accident.

After we finished, he looked back at me as he left and said, “Thank you. I am so tired of others deciding for me my joy in any moment.” I told him that it was none of his business what others thought of his actions and, quite frankly, if he wanted to skydive, it was his business.

He did go up the ladder again!

You see, we have a way of inserting ourselves into the lives of others, often time in the very name of love and we couch it as “concern" (worry) for them. But really what is going on, is our ego is impacted by them and we are always, if ego-driven, looking to protect ourselves by maintaining that relationship on our terms.
In a way, it is like when we lose a loved one. We mourn, but it is always about the way we are affected. If it is someone close, we are affected as to the time that we no longer will spend with that person in our lives.

Not that it is good or bad, here. It just it is what it is.

But if we grieve past the normal stages of grief that have been studied from author, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, when she discusses the Five Stages of Grief, then we must look at the hold the ego has on the very act of living.

It is the same when it comes to the influence others have on you if you base your life on what others think of your actions. To be quite honest, however, you might be shocked just how little others are thinking about you. I am always amazed at the amount of ego that is present when someone is so invested in others thoughts of their actions. Often it is someone who is very self-conscious and seems very non-egoic, but it is usually just the opposite. Usually the ego has such a hold on them that they base every action on the ideas, words and presumed thoughts of others.

One of my favorite quotes i use for my clients is one from Dr. Seuss where he says,


“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

It is your journey. Things are only Bad or Good in the context of the moment, but it is always your journey.

No one can worry you better, angry, happy or any other emotion that others desire to afflict you with.

Feel this Present Moment, for it is the only one you have.

Be your own creation and do not allow others in inflict their egoic natures on you, for they are on their own journey.

In the end, it really does come down to the fact that what others think of you is, indeed, none of your business...ever!

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

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DA Southern is a Strategic Personal Development Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ directyourownlife@gmail.com

Life Begins When Worry No Longer Impacts Your Journey

In such a climate of fear that we have seemed to allow ourselves to arrive within in this Present Moment of living, one must wonder how it is that we have come to such a place. How is it that souls of love that we are all truly destined to become, allow this fear of living, fear of life to pervade our very existence.

The common thread, it is my belief, is worry.

Let me come at it in a different way than most would. Worry is that common emotion of the soul that has no place, ever, within us, yet we seem to excuse it in ourselves and find it repugnant in everyone else.
My, oh my, the ego is a powerful little beast, is it not?

How often do we tell someone else not to worry, when that is our inclination. It is almost as if we are expected to worry about life in so many ways and if we don’t we, of course, are “flighty” or “cold-hearted” or we are irresponsible in some way. Imagine that, the very act of NOT worrying and staying true to who you are makes you irresponsible.

Can you imagine if you decided to travel the world and, because you set out on a journey of self discovery, you are labeled as irresponsible. Isn’t that the height of responsibility; being labeled as such when truth is what you desire? Isn’t the very act of discovering yourself indicates that you are in search of becoming a better person of love to enrich the human condition?

If you find yourself living is such fear as to not make that journey, then merely look at the program, The Amazing Race, where teams travel around the world in a short amount of time. What most take from the race who participate is the journey within that transforms them and their relationships with not only one another, but with humanity.

By seeing other cultures and participating in tasks that many times test their assumptions about themselves, the individuals find that their fear of truly living was baseless. That their worry about life, in general, was nothing more than the ego’s attempt to “protect” them.
Protect them from what? Not sure, but the ego tells you countless things to worry about in life.

Really, however, the journey is from the allowing of love to enter them. Love of themselves, love of humanity, love of life and love of the journey within that makes the journey without all worthwhile.

Worry is so baseless that it cripples us from truly living life. The sad fact is that society breeds that fear from childhood on. Oh, I'm not saying that we aren’t aware of our surroundings but we don’t live in a constant state of “what if” this or that happens that we have to do this or that to cover the "what if" to begin with.

As i said in the last post, the ego can play out a scenario to its end based on a “what if” so compelling that you actually believe it to be. Sometimes even so much as to manifest the very worry the ego has so cleverly ‘what if’ed” so the ego can say to you, “See, i told you so.” Then once the ego has you there, you actually feel guilt about not worrying.

Do you see the insidiousness of worry?

There is another component of worry that really is at the core. The ego masks it as “making sure you are good with yourself.” It is the “What others think of me and my decisions” thought pattern as a guide for living truth in your life that is your journey alone. Yes, we impact others with our lives, that is the very nature of living. However, if you come from a place of truth, from a place of love, then you will not be a concerned how you impact others. There will be no worry about your actions or the actions of others.

The very thought that your belief that others thoughts the ones that you assign to them, about you, are somehow a determinant for living your life is bizarre.

However, It happens all the time.

Someone gives you a look and you assign that look a series of thoughts, usually based on experiences from the past of a similar look. So then you get angry, do something completely different or think a new series of thoughts all based on a look. The ego goes into full-protection mode to align you to the world as it sees it, which is not reality at all.

In the next post, we will delve into the very nature of the living in such a Now Moment state of love that there is nothing any one can say to take you away from your journey. It is a conscious decision, but a freeing one.

By the way, the thought you must take from the whole “What others think of me” situation is this:

It is none of your business what others think of you!

Just be true to yourself and come from a place of love in all you do and say.

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

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DA Southern is a Strategic Personal Development Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ directyourownlife@gmail.com

3 Steps to Abate Worry and Live Now

There is nothing that can invade the mindfulness of a true Present Moment thinker such as worry. It is that egoic nature that can take the tranquility of the present Now Moment and give the ego complete and total charge of all that surrounds your Mission. Worry is that ever-present reality, it seems, for most as they travel from Now Moment to Now Moment.

But why is that?

In a study i read recently, it was stated that a mere 8% of things people worried about actually manifested as reality. I would add that of that 8%, probably most things were so desired, so worried about, that they were going to happen no matter what. it is the Law of Attraction in action in a not-so-good use.

So what does that tell us?

It tells us that we are so desperate to desire some unforeseen future that we will manifest it even to the detriment of our very existence. It tells us that the ego will go to extreme lengths to keep a hold on you, because worry is such as life itself. You forget about the actuality of that which might happen for the understanding that it might happen. Essentially, most are in such a common place of worry that when one thing happens that they have indeed worried about, it becomes 100%. It happened just as you thought it would and now the ego can use it to bolster its claim on you as the defender of your safety.

In the world of theatre, it is as i have seen. An actor has an overall great performance and one person out of a hundred tells them that they didn’t like their performance. One person! Guess what happens? That’s correct my young Jedi, they obsess about the one, not taking into context at all why that one person didn’t like it, as if it matters. But i have seen a single bad comment take an actor and make them doubt themselves because they worry about another comment to the point that their performance suffers. So the very thing they worry about does indeed manifest.

Worry, really then, is all about the ego. The funny thing is that we have all done it, have we not? Because worry brings forth doubt in ourselves and our situation, we then define ourselves by the very worry we are in any moment we decide to commit ourselves to it. Even more bizarre is our capacity to see others commit themselves to worry and tell them not to.

But since the ego is really at the heart of worry, how can we make sense of it all? Worry is a natural part of life, is it not? I mean, our very existence is given images of worry in every facet of living by our news media alone. The media feeds on worry and 90% of commercials are worry about some future event happening in your life if you don’t use their product. I have even seen a pill you can take in case you might have heartburn in the future. I am not kidding.

What is the number one cause of heart troubles in the USA alone? Stress. What is stress usually caused by? Worry about some future outcome.

I had a coaching client who recently came to a session in tears. Her daughter was in the midst of a divorce and she was “worried” about the grandchildren and the long-term affect on them. As i probed deeper, as that must always be done with worry, it came out that it her daughter’s divorce was somehow a reflection on her. Her parenting, her life in general. Her ego had so encased her in worry and how it was somehow an attack on her very core, that some perceived outcome with her grandchildren was now keeping her in a state of worry about some unknown future.

You see how clever worry is used by the ego? Ultimately, most worry is somehow an attack on YOU and must be dealt with. Just the absurdity of it all makes most laugh but it is an ever-present danger within us all if we are not vigilant in keeping worry at bay.

Living in the Present Moment is freedom from worry but takes a conscious effort to rid yourself of the egoic nature that inhabits the very core of worry.

3 Steps to Begin the Process of Ending Worry

First, when worry is presented as an option, take it to its end.

What do i mean by that?

Be an actor and write the script. Take the object of worry and make a play out of it, which is what worry is, by the way. The ego makes a whole play out that you actually believe it to be true. This time, however, you write it in your head with whatever far-fetched conclusion that could happen. Make a game of it. There is an old saying that you “illustrate absurdity by being absurd” and this is what is the intent. When you see the ridiculousness of all that must happen for the worry to become manifest, it really is quite amusing.

Second, decide that you are going to be ever-present in this Now Moment and that worry will not determine a future that does not exist. Just the very act of making a solid commitment will alert you when worry rears its ugly head.

Third, acknowledge the egos effort. Now, that might seem a bit strange, but if you treat the ego as it should be, as nothing more than someone from the mailroom, instead of the CEO of the company known as YOU, then you will go far in abating worry.

The ego will tell you all kinds of things to supposedly be in your best interest, but what the ego is trying to do is to be the one who makes all the decisions for you. The sad part is that most allow the ego to be in charge. Take back the night, here. The ego HATES Now Moment living and by keeping you in a constant state of worry about the future gives it full control. Be better than that. Be ever-present in the Now.

Worry is the beast that will rear its ugly head in your life and you must be aware, but it is a beast that can be eradicated for as Benjamin Disraeli was quoted as saying, “Worry (the ego) - a God, invisible but omnipotent. It steals the bloom from the cheek and lightness from the pulse; it takes away the appetite, and turns the hair gray.”

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and share with your friends, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

*******

DA Southern is a Strategic Personal Development Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ directyourownlife@gmail.com