The Affliction of Worry From Others

Worry kills the spirit of the one it inhabits and infects those around them.

Why does this happen that a soul on a beautiful journey of love allows such an egoic, unhealthy and, very often, irrational look a a future that does not exist into their very existence.

Why has worry been given such a place of respect in our world.

It is even joked about as a redeeming trait in movies. But there lies the insidiousness of it, does it not? The idea that it is indeed fodder for ridicule and yet we allow it to still infect our lives. It as if we are saying it is funny for everyone else, but, its OK for me. As if somehow that makes it a great way to carry on in our Now Moments.

Of course, that is the point. In the wake of worry there are no Now Moments, only moments that are somehow "out there" that must be going to happen, must be dealt with now.

I could go on for many Now Moments here, but the most troubling aspect of worry is the way we allow others to impact our journey with their worrisome attitude. Really, when someone else worries about you in some situation and projects that worry on you, it is nothing but their ego rising to control you.

Let me give you an example of a client who recently took a tumble off of a ladder and broke his back.

Now this man has an excellent attitude and takes a very youthful approach to age in general. Well, after he recuperated, he came and saw me and was having some issues with the thoughts of others that he was allowing to impact him. Essentially, others were telling him that he should not go up on the ladder again. I asked him if he desired to, if he enjoyed getting up on the ladder doing things. He said that he did, that it was not a chore.

So we established that it was not something he dreaded but that he loved to do, he loved being active. I then asked if others were responsible for his happiness; could they determine his course.

He again said no.

I then told him that others were simply projecting fear onto him because that is how they would have handled their fear, more than likely. It even spoke to their wanting to control him by telling him he was not able to overcome a mere accident.

After we finished, he looked back at me as he left and said, “Thank you. I am so tired of others deciding for me my joy in any moment.” I told him that it was none of his business what others thought of his actions and, quite frankly, if he wanted to skydive, it was his business.

He did go up the ladder again!

You see, we have a way of inserting ourselves into the lives of others, often time in the very name of love and we couch it as “concern" (worry) for them. But really what is going on, is our ego is impacted by them and we are always, if ego-driven, looking to protect ourselves by maintaining that relationship on our terms.
In a way, it is like when we lose a loved one. We mourn, but it is always about the way we are affected. If it is someone close, we are affected as to the time that we no longer will spend with that person in our lives.

Not that it is good or bad, here. It just it is what it is.

But if we grieve past the normal stages of grief that have been studied from author, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, when she discusses the Five Stages of Grief, then we must look at the hold the ego has on the very act of living.

It is the same when it comes to the influence others have on you if you base your life on what others think of your actions. To be quite honest, however, you might be shocked just how little others are thinking about you. I am always amazed at the amount of ego that is present when someone is so invested in others thoughts of their actions. Often it is someone who is very self-conscious and seems very non-egoic, but it is usually just the opposite. Usually the ego has such a hold on them that they base every action on the ideas, words and presumed thoughts of others.

One of my favorite quotes i use for my clients is one from Dr. Seuss where he says,


“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

It is your journey. Things are only Bad or Good in the context of the moment, but it is always your journey.

No one can worry you better, angry, happy or any other emotion that others desire to afflict you with.

Feel this Present Moment, for it is the only one you have.

Be your own creation and do not allow others in inflict their egoic natures on you, for they are on their own journey.

In the end, it really does come down to the fact that what others think of you is, indeed, none of your business...ever!

Let me know your thoughts below, get on the newsletter list HERE, and be Social with this Post, for the more people we have living successfully in this Now Moment and discussing the value of doing so, the higher we lift all others around us.

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DA Southern is a Strategic Personal Development Coach, teaching the spirit of living in Now Moments with the principles he experienced during over 35 years as an actor and director in live theatre. DA coaches his clients to rid life of limiting beliefs that have kept them from achieving miracles in all areas of their life by embracing Mindfulness of the Present Moment with a renewed Vision for life. Contact DA Southern for coaching @ directyourownlife@gmail.com